Nandor the Relentless (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
greetingsmortals) wrote2021-10-30 08:54 pm
greetingsmortals) wrote2021-10-30 08:54 pm
(no subject)
[ The video opens on a shot that some might recognise from Nadja and Laszlo's last address to the network, except this time it's Nandor in Laszlo's place. Laszlo himself appears to be behind the camera, since it's fumbled a bit before it settles down and Laszlo can be heard muttering about "doing all the fucking work". Nandor ignores him to address their audience, with the appropriate amount of gravitas for someone imparting very important news. ]
NANDOR:
Greetings, immortals of Duplici-city. My name is Nandor the Relentless, ancient and powerful vampire warrior, fearless ruler of men, who has pillaged and burned mighty nations across the entire --
NADJA:
Oh, just get to the point already, would you? All this talk of -- [ Her voice shifts into an attempt at a Nandor impersonation, deepening even though her own thick accent makes it difficult for her to nail it completely. ] -- pillaging and burn-ing. [ Back in her own tone: ] When was the last time you even pillaged, hmm?
NANDOR:
[ He ignores that. ]
Yes, anyway, my esteemed colleague Nadja -- [ He gestures to Nadja, who nods and smiles. ] -- and I have hereby generously decided to take over the leadership --
NADJA:
-- co-leadership --
LASZLO:
[ From behind the camera: ] Not this shit again.
NANDOR:
-- co-leadership of this city's local chapter of the Vampire Council, which we have also just formed, awaiting confirmation of the Supreme Council of Vampires, which will surely happen once they receive our electronic mail messages and text messages. Henceforth, all vampires will now be called upon to present their dues to the Council and answer to vampire law at all times -- [ He earns a Significant Glance from his co-leader, at which point he clears his throat. ] -- which we will... judge on a case by case basis, of course.
NADJA:
And if you don't pay your bloody dues, we're gonna have to come round, and nobody wants that. Seriously. Ask the last vampires who didn't pay on time what happened when they didn't cough up what they owed. Oh wait, you can't, because I ripped their hearts out. [ She smiles, any saccharine sweetness affected by the fangs that are plainly visible. No one here needs to know that it was only one heart she ripped out to instil fear into the rest of the group. ]
NANDOR:
Yes, well. That's it, isn't it? Don't start shit with us, and we won't start shit with you. Okay. Goodnight, Seattle. [ After a significant pause, he glances up above the camera. ] We're done now, you need to turn it off --
NADJA:
-- no, the button on the top, don't --
LASZLO:
-- fuck this, we should have hired a camera crew, then we could at least have had some fucking lunch --
[ The video feed cuts. ]
NANDOR:
Greetings, immortals of Duplici-city. My name is Nandor the Relentless, ancient and powerful vampire warrior, fearless ruler of men, who has pillaged and burned mighty nations across the entire --
NADJA:
Oh, just get to the point already, would you? All this talk of -- [ Her voice shifts into an attempt at a Nandor impersonation, deepening even though her own thick accent makes it difficult for her to nail it completely. ] -- pillaging and burn-ing. [ Back in her own tone: ] When was the last time you even pillaged, hmm?
NANDOR:
[ He ignores that. ]
Yes, anyway, my esteemed colleague Nadja -- [ He gestures to Nadja, who nods and smiles. ] -- and I have hereby generously decided to take over the leadership --
NADJA:
-- co-leadership --
LASZLO:
[ From behind the camera: ] Not this shit again.
NANDOR:
-- co-leadership of this city's local chapter of the Vampire Council, which we have also just formed, awaiting confirmation of the Supreme Council of Vampires, which will surely happen once they receive our electronic mail messages and text messages. Henceforth, all vampires will now be called upon to present their dues to the Council and answer to vampire law at all times -- [ He earns a Significant Glance from his co-leader, at which point he clears his throat. ] -- which we will... judge on a case by case basis, of course.
NADJA:
And if you don't pay your bloody dues, we're gonna have to come round, and nobody wants that. Seriously. Ask the last vampires who didn't pay on time what happened when they didn't cough up what they owed. Oh wait, you can't, because I ripped their hearts out. [ She smiles, any saccharine sweetness affected by the fangs that are plainly visible. No one here needs to know that it was only one heart she ripped out to instil fear into the rest of the group. ]
NANDOR:
Yes, well. That's it, isn't it? Don't start shit with us, and we won't start shit with you. Okay. Goodnight, Seattle. [ After a significant pause, he glances up above the camera. ] We're done now, you need to turn it off --
NADJA:
-- no, the button on the top, don't --
LASZLO:
-- fuck this, we should have hired a camera crew, then we could at least have had some fucking lunch --
[ The video feed cuts. ]